What is conscious detachment?

There is a difference between the observing self and the thinking self. Can you bear witness to the events that unfold in your life or do you get caught up in them without finding the space to step back and look at things from an alternative or higher perspective? Can you detach but also hold compassion or do you feel detaching from something or someone is about not caring? Can the outside world influence your self-awareness, so it becomes more about what others see instead of what you see? These are all valid questions when it comes to conscious detachment.

So let’s look at what is self-awareness?

It is our ability to observe and accurately identify our thoughts, feelings and impulses, and determine whether they are grounded in reality or not.

The process of conscious detachment and self-awareness is about releasing ourselves from the noise that blurs our judgement, whilst not detaching from life itself. It’s about making room for self-reflection with more consistency so it becomes a priority and as a result your self-awareness will naturally increase.

You are practicing conscious detachment when you start to recognise and actively work towards disentangling yourself from the unhealthy co-dependent patterns in life.

Another important part of conscious detachment lies within the practice of autonomy - the ability to make your own decisions about what to do rather than being influenced by someone else. Interestingly, it might be worth looking at your human design chart to find out if this could be more difficult for you. In human design you can have what is referred to as a split-definition and people who have this in their charts often look to partnerships, relationships or another person to help make decisions, which of course can create co-dependent patterns.

Another way of practicing conscious detachment is through your communication style. If you have a practical ‘follow through’ approach and sound assertive in how you speak, it is easier to maintain and respect needs, feelings and boundaries. It’s not about outcome or control it is the practice of being present and speaking to your needs without activating the ‘rescuer or fixer within’ to make a relationship work. It’s also worth mentioning that by equal measure, it is not about severing relationships either but rather transforming them into healthier and more balanced connections. Although there will always be examples of when there is no other choice but to severe.

Another considering factor is to look to your attachment styles. If you have experienced difficult relationships in childhood and formed attachments that root from insecurity, this may also be playing a role here that prevents you from achieving conscious detachment. A couple of examples are anxious-ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive and disorganised forms of attachment. They all relate to low self-esteem, the inability or opportunity to learn how to self-regulate and just generally feeling unsafe.