What are energetic boundaries?
“Energetic boundaries are invisible limits that define where your personal energy field ends and the world begins.”
When you interact with others, especially in close spaces, your energy naturally mingles with theirs. Without clear boundaries, you may act as an "energy sponge," leaving you feeling depleted, anxious, avoidant or resentful.
Energetic boundaries can be used to work with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. The truth is that everything is energy, matter is just energy vibrating at a denser frequency to create something that to touch, feels physical. It is all interrelated, each one influences the other and has a shared impact.
So how do you go about setting energetic boundaries with others?
For most people, the first thought is how do I protect myself, but this is more than just about protecting your energy, it requires knowledge and understanding about how it (you) interacts with others. This is where you have to consider what takes place when you have energetic exchanges with people. Most of these exchanges are normal and natural, helping you to learn more about your world, yourself and others in it. However, some exchanges can prove to be complex (karmic), negative, overwhelming and/or consistently draining. If you are highly sensitive to these energetic exchanges, you can also take the energies from others onboard - either by trying to neutralise them, internalising them or absorbing them. All of these options will make you feel tired, drained, emotional and burnt out. You have to firstly know what is you and what isn’t - where your energetic boundary (aura) ends and the outside world begins. You have to have a clear intention of what you will and won’t accept from others and ideally you will want to master a few visualisation techniques (not a bubble of light over you) that will help you in any interaction.
Firstly ask yourself: Is it your responsibility?
Have you found that you tend to take responsibility for the people and situations around you? It might not be a conscious thing, you might automatically do it because you know you can do it better or to just help someone out that is clearly struggling, unsure or ill prepared for the task at hand.
But stop and ask yourself - IS THIS MY RESPONSIBILITY?
If it isn't, by making it so, not only does the other person not learn anything, but you may very well take on the life lesson for them. In addition to this you’re giving a clear sign to the universe that you’re willing to take on other peoples stuff, so how will the universe respond? By sending you more stuff' that isnt yours to take!
Remember, most of the time there is a higher intelligence at work. There may be a reason this person is supposed to experience something challenging or uncomfortable. We don't always have to fix, solve or sort something out just because we can. Just be aware of your own motives too, incase you are seeking acceptance or approval. Remember to prioritise your needs, it isn 't selfish, it's necessary!
Being triggered repeatedly can be an attempt to drain you…
Some people will try to trigger you, meaning they will purposely say or do something to provoke a reaction in you. These sorts of people may have narcissistic traits or just have issues they’ve left unaddressed. Either way, this is how they drain your energy. The first thing to do is notice who, when and how they do it. The second thing to do is to practice taking a moment out of the exchange, and not fall into a reaction and instead consciously choose to respond from a centered and more grounded place. Also bear in mind, in some instances, the person doing it doesn’t consciously realise they are, so it will be up to you to set the boundary. And even if they are aware, in my experience, they won’t choose to stop themselves, especially if they are getting a reaction or rise from you in some way.
Is it the other person’s stuff? If so, pass it back…
If verbalising this is too difficult or hasn't worked, then you can do it through conscious intention. You must consciously state in your mind - this isn't mine, I need to pass it back. Meaning, the behaviour you are witnessing actually has nothing to do with you at all, it's the other person’s stuff. Visualise this energetic exchange and stop it in its tracks by saying no - this is not mine to address or take on - I now pass it back to you. You don't have to say this out loud, doing it in your head will suffice and can be successful - but the other person will know instantly that something is different. This might temporarily make them worse, but if they are meant to stay in your life, it will push them towards making a choice, to either change or exit your life altogether.
Keep in mind the following when it comes to setting energetic boundaries:
Recognise your personal emotional limits and make sure you are not over-giving or prioritising others.
Protecting your peace without absorbing others stress means learning how to say no comfortably.
Set intentions - do this prior to going to work, or an event or when you are meeting someone you find challenging to be around. Your intentions should specify what you will and won’t accept from others.
Communicate your truth, don’t allow others to pull you into their dramas, story or try to change you. Managing expectations can feel tricky at times, but if you are honest and heart-led, it often softens the energetic exchanges and makes it easier to stay true to yourself.
How to manage conflicting/challenging conversations
Focus on keeping the exchange short, say what is needed and wrap it up.
Use ‘I’ statements to take out any defensiveness from the offset.
Don’t ask open ended questions, say what you’d like to happen.
Hold your ground and don’t get pulled into their version of events.